


Vampire

by Redzik



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Nightwing (Comics), Under the Red Hood
Genre: Humor, Supernatural Elements, Vampires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-02
Updated: 2017-06-02
Packaged: 2018-11-08 05:45:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11075271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Redzik/pseuds/Redzik
Summary: Dick got turned into a vampire. Jason doesn’t want to be his dinner.Warning:Lots of swearing.





	Vampire

**Author's Note:**

> I remembered something and thought it would be funny to use in a fic :P Cookies for those, who get the reference :)

After two months Jason was back in Gotham in his most used safe house, which was more of a home than an actual safe house, with this big, comfortable bed one couldn’t find everywhere in the entire universe. He barely got about half an hour of sleep, when his big, softest piece of heaven was invaded by the Replacements.

“Wha?” Jason articulated in incredulity. Because they didn’t do this. They were staying away from him as much as possible. But here they were. Clad only in pajamas, burrowing under the duvet and completely ignoring him.

Demon Brat was instantly out the moment his head hit the pillow, snoring softly. He had large, dark circles under his eyes and he appeared to be totally exhausted.

Tim wasn’t faring much better. Actually, he looked even worse. Still, he took the time to make sure Damian was comfortable, make a nest for himself and lay down exactly how he wanted.

“What the fuck?” Jason asked into space.

“Dick got turned into a vampire,” Tim mumbled sleepily and sighed in contentment, “’Night.”

Jason opened and closed his mouth a few times, stunned, staring at the two bodies taking more than half of his cozy little world.

“Fuck this,” Red Hood muttered when his intense gaze yielded nothing, not even a twitch from the intruders. He snuggled back into his remaining part of his pleasant bed and went back to sleep. He was too tired to deal with this shit, and the kids looked like they needed rest anyway. Whatever it was, it could wait until morning.

 

When he woke up, the Bat Brats were gone, escaped before the irate Red Hood could get a hold of them. Jason shrugged, chalked it up as a fluke, the birds were too tired to know what they were doing, and went on with his life.

 

Red Hood didn’t see or heard about either Nightwing, Red Robin or Robin for the next few days. However Batman was skulking about more than usual. Still, Jason didn’t think anything about that or the incident with his bed. Not until one night on patrol when both, Red Robin and Robin, whizzed past him as if the Flash himself was after them.

“Run for your life!” Robin yelled at him, not even looking back, leaping off the roof. Tim hot on his heels.

Jason blinked after them in confusion, but his attention was pulled back to the way the Robins appeared from.

Something moved fast towards him and Red Hood frowned. He recognized the Golden Boy immediately, but he wasn’t being chased by anything. So why the Brats were running?

Nightwing came to a stop on the rooftop Jason was on and lit up like Christmas came early as he saw him.

“Red Hood!” Dick grinned happily. “You’re back!”

Oh, shit. Oh, fucking fuck.

Jason’s hand strayed to his gun, backing away from a brightly smiling Nightwing. Smiling. With his teeth. Which of canines were long, and pointed, and looking very sharp.

Tim’s and Damian’s behavior suddenly made more sense.

“Nightwing,” Jason greeted, considering his exit routes. He would need to be fast.

“I missed you,” Dick made a step toward him, extending his hands for a hug Jason was sure he won’t come alive from.

Oh, hell no. Jason didn’t survive the clown, crowbar and the bomb to die like this. Dick won’t get even a drop of his blood.

He threw a smoke pellet at their feet and hastily retreated.

“Jason,” he heard Dick whine, coughing harshly.

Weird. But no. He wasn’t going to fall for Nightwing’s play.

Jason made sure he wasn’t being followed and decided to squat down in one of his most recent safe houses. After a shower and quick bite, he sat down before his laptop and started to search.

 

Holy water was working fine against a vampire Dick.

Somehow Jason became the sole focus of Nightwing’s hunt. Sometimes Red Hood managed to distract him with putting him on Batman’s or either of Robin’s patch, but he always would come after Jason in the end.

Usually, Jason was able to escape him. Which was another weird thing. Weren’t vampires supposed to be faster, stronger and had much better senses than a mere human?

The time he didn’t manage to get away, he was prepared.

As soon as Nightwing was in range, he unscrewed a cap on the bottle he took to carrying with him at all times and chucked the contents at the approaching black and blue vigilante.

Dick yelped and hissed, protecting his face with his arm from the burning water.

“That wasn’t very nice,” Dick honestly to God pouted at Jason, but stayed where he was.

“Neither is trying to kill me,” Red Hood shoot back.

“You’re the one to talk,” Nightwing snorted.

Whatever. Jason wasn’t going to stand and bicker with his vampirized older brother. He threw whatever was left of the holy water in the bottle at Dick and ran.

 

After one less fortunate meeting with a gang on his patrol, Jason came to the inevitable conclusion, that lugging a water bottle is highly inconvenient. So he had to settle on the next best thing. The thing was, lore lied. Garlic didn’t do shit.

 

Red Hood was certain he was safe in the daylight, so he was surprised when Dick blocked his patch to the grocery store.

“Jason,” Dick said with a small smile, while Red Hood watched him carefully.

“Dick,” Jason replied, frowning.

Dick was keeping to the shadows, staying away from the direct sunlight. And was wearing sunglasses. Damn.

“Hey,” the older brother started, taking a step forward, “If you just lis-” he cut off with a glare and a hiss.

As soon as Dick moved Jason pulled his hand out of the pocket, holding out a cross in his grasp. Another proven method of keeping the vampire at bay as Dick made a spectacular impression of a pissed off cat.

“Stay. The. Fuck. Away. From. Me.” Jason gritted, still threatening with a cross while he circled around his older brother.

“Jason,” Dick tried with a puppy dog eyes, “I just-”

“Go the fuck away,” Red Hood growled, waving slightly at the patch of sunlight a mere centimeters from where Dick was standing, “or I’m going to throw you into the sun.”

Nightwing’s face crumpled.

“Alright,” he nodded and walked off dejectedly.

Fucking weird.

 

The next couple of days were peaceful for Jason. There was no sightings of Nightwing or Dick anywhere. Red Robin and Robin vanished too, probably busy with running for their lives. It was a shame, really. Jason wanted to try some other things, that could be useful for fighting with vampires.

 

He got his chance three nights later, when Nightwing cornered him in some alley after he took down some thugs. Dick didn’t say anything to him though. Actually he seemed to be a little angry. Well, Jason couldn’t argue the fact he would be pissed off too, if his dinner was constantly getting away.

Red Hood threw a handful of sunflower seeds at Nightwing. Some falling to the ground, but majority hitting the older vigilante harmlessly on the chest, stopping him in his tracks.

Dick blinked, stared at the seeds at his feet for a few seconds and then looked back to Jason.

“Seriously?” he asked incredulously, but bent down and started precisely picking he seeds up.

Red Hood grinned behind his helmet and pulled a whole packet of seeds, ripping it open and scattering them around.

“Ooops,” he did it with another two packets.

Nightwing glared at him with helpless anger, but hadn’t moved from his position, still picking the sunflower seeds.

“Well, it’s been fun,” Jason commented, walking past his older brother. “Later, ‘Wing!”

Dick didn’t reply. Just hunched over and continued to collect the scattered seeds.

Jason hesitated a second. Nightwing was usually a chatty person. It was hardly possible to shut him up. But now he barely said a word. And were those a tear tracks?

Jason shook his head and walked off. But the image stayed with him all night, distracting him enough, that some guy managed to swing at him, before Red Hood put him down for good.

Jason laid on the ground for a moment, catching the breath he lost when that mountain of a man punched him. In the space of one blink and the next Nightwing appeared in his line of vision.

Oh, shit.

 

His big, the softest, comfy bed became Jason’s new home at home.

Jason was propped up on his pillows, watching some TV show, while Dick laid sprawled boneless on top of him, dozing. The vampire was clutching at Jason, hardly leaving him a room to breathe, let alone move. He was purring softly, and if Jason didn’t know for a fact, that the man was a creature of the night, he would say he was a cat. A freaking big, super strong, starved for affection cat.

The quiet purr stopped and a few minutes later Dick shifted restlessly with a heartbreaking whine.

Jason sighed and put his arms around the body on top of him. Instantly, Dick became a putty in his hands, the purring returning, slightly louder than before.

Jason endured this for a few minutes, before he could release his hold for another twenty minutes, until Dick was demanding to be held back.

Because of course Dick couldn’t be a normal vampire and lust for blood. Oh, he still drank it. A little. But what he was craving was the cuddling. Almost all the time.

Jason heard his living room window open and he snatched his gun from under the pillow.

“So he finally got you, huh?” Tim asked in amusement walking in, grinning like a loon.

“I thought you’ll last longer, Todd,” Damian sneered.

“Fucking Brats,” Jason muttered. “You could just tell me.”

“Where’s the fun in that?” Tim shrugged.

“I’ll show you fun,” Red Hood growled and cocked his gun. “Out of the suits and on the bed, pronto.” If he was stuck cuddling with the vampire, he was going to take them down with him.

At least the kids knew better than to argue. They slipped on either side of Jason and cuddled up into Dick’s sides, throwing their arms around him.

The purring became a lot louder and Dick went even more boneless.

“Is he… purring?” Damian asked in horror.

“It’s so cute!” Tim gushed.

Jason pushed his head harder into his pillow and sighed.


End file.
